| Flying through the air in pantyhose |
[31 May 2012|11:17pm] |
What book have you re-read the most number of times, and why is it so worthy of repeated readings? Do you pick up new plot points or details each time, or do you simply find comfort in spending time with a favorite storyline and characters?
I have discussed this before, but this time I'm going to let you in on a little secret. I don't generally believe in re-reading books, but there is one book I have actually read twice (not counting such things as The Cat in the Hat that I read many times as a child: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I read it for the first time in 3rd grade, and then I read it again in college. After seeing the movie so many times, I had to see how faithful it was to the original text.
Now, you may say, you've seen the movie version many times, but you won't read a book more than once? True. There are only about five movies or so that I've watched all the way through several times. It doesn't take as long to watch a movie as it does to read a book, obviously. At least not for me.
I have a friend who claims to read The Count of Monte Cristo at least once a year, because she says she can't ever remember what happens. This, I think, speaks more to her having some sort of memory problem than it does to the book being a great work of literature.
Also it's not like something different is going to happen if you read a book again, "Choose Your Own Adventure" books notwithstanding.
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| Four thousand holes in Blackburn, Lancashire |
[24 May 2012|11:01pm] |
Where do you get your news from -- cable news channels, online sources, radio? When you hear a story that you find interesting (or maddening), do you immediately go searching for more stories about it?
Man, bump all that. I get my news from carrier pigeon and telegraph. I just found out that Arizona and New Mexico were admitted as states.
That's all you get from me this week.
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| I promise myself to treat myself and visit a nearby tower |
[17 May 2012|11:15pm] |
Given that we all seem to be working later and later, how do you like to spend your off-time?
Answering Writer's Block questions. Duhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
I actually am off until Memorial Day, so I'm not wasting any more time with this.
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| Gimme a ticket for an aeroplane |
[10 May 2012|11:16pm] |
What celebrity or other public figure would you be perfectly happy to never see or hear anything about ever again in your lifetime? Why do they annoy you so much?
I'm gonna ignore that split infinitive there. Don't do it again.
I'm also gonna go with Pat Sajak on this one. What purpose does he even serve? Also, ever since Wheel of Fortune started using video screens, why is Vanna White even necessary? Get with the 21st century, Wheel of Fortune!
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| James Bond, Jackie Chan, and that *expletive* MacGyver |
[03 May 2012|11:18pm] |
What traditional board or card game is your favorite? Tell us a favorite story about playing the game with friends or family.
I suppose you expect me to say Trivial Pursuit, right? I could tell you how I've never lost, or how I won one game in about ten minutes, but where would the fun in that be?
Actually, my favorite board game is Monopoly. It has for me that certain je ne sais quoi that no other game has. I have probably put more time into playing Monopoly that some people put into chess or Scrabble or whatever smart people play. I am ruthless at Monopoly. I don't win all the time, as a certain degree of luck is involved as opposed to pure skill. I could go on all night with this, but I won't. I like to play Monopoly. You should play me sometime.
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| We don't have the time for psychological romance |
[26 Apr 2012|11:09pm] |
Tell us of your latest encounter with someone being rude to you or to someone around you. Did you call them on their rudeness? If not, what do you now wish you'd said to them?
Well, I was in the line at Long John Silver's, when this entire family came in through the exit door and proceeded to cut in front of me. Of course, they didn't know what they wanted, so I had to wait an interminably long time for each of them to make up their minds. My anger was so kindled that I took a plastic knife and stabbed them all. I am currently on the run from the law.
(Un)fortunately, I'm nowhere near that aggressive. In fact, I'm probably much too passive for my own good. I didn't say anything at the time, but one of them noticed their error and asked if they had cut in front of me, to which I replied, "Yeah, but it's no big deal." The least they could have done was offer to pay for my meal.
Anyway, I have trademarked a phrase, which is "more crowded than a Long John Silver's on a Friday night during Lent." If you ever use it, it will cost you $100,000. Forewarned is forearmed.
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| He was born a pauper to a pawn on a Christmas Day |
[19 Apr 2012|11:31pm] |
What is your favorite place to curl up and read a new book? What are you reading now that you can't wait to get back to once your day is done?
I'm pretty sure it's physically impossible for me to "curl up" in any way. I like to read on my couch, though. It's the only place I have that's remotely comfortable enough for reading. Assuming I'm not illiterate, I'm currently reading The Edge of Sadness by Edwin O'Connor. I can't say it's edge-of-your-seat reading, but it's not bad.
I still can't believe there's no fiction Pulitzer winner this year.
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| Put 'em in your mouth and suck 'em |
[12 Apr 2012|11:03pm] |
What's the worst case of "buyer's remorse" you've ever had? What were you hoping to get out of your purchase but didn't?
This may not be the worst case I've ever had, but it's one that sticks out in my mind. I was less than 10 years old. Exactly how old, I don't really remember. I would often frequent gumball machines in these days, many times shelling out an entire 25 cents for a large gumball. One day, I noticed a new gumball machine among the six to choose from. This one had "frosted balls" for sale for 25 cents. Stop giggling. Anyhow, I thought a frosted gumball would taste pretty neat, so I put in a quarter, got my gumball, and popped it in my mouth. Only it wasn't a gumball. It was some sort of rubber ball with white streaks painted on it. Totally not what I was expecting. And this entry has turned out to be way longer than I thought it would be.
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| I heard somebody singing sweet and soulful |
[29 Mar 2012|11:08pm] |
So I found where the Writer's Block was hiding.
Name five songs to which you know all the lyrics. (Better yet, sing them.)
Believe it or not, I know the words to more than five songs.
1. "Rack City" by Tyga
Rack city, *expletive*
Rack rack city, *expletive*
Ten, ten, ten, twenty on your *expletive* *expletive*
And it goes on from there...
Last night on David Letterman, he interviewed former Maldives president Mohammed Nasheed, and the band played "Mohammed's Radio" by Warren Zevon when he came out. Needless to say, that song's been stuck in my head all day. So that's #2.
Here are three more songs I know the words to, in no particular order.
3. "How Long" by Ace
4. "Ruff Ryders Anthem" by DMX
5. "Romeo's Tune" by Steve Forbert
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| I heard you like the bad girls, honey |
[22 Mar 2012|11:15pm] |
What the heck happened to the Writer's Block questions? How am I going to have any content now? Well...
I've been getting a lot of spam e-mails about Russian (and Ukrainian) mail-order brides. Someone out there knows how desperate I'm getting. The other day, I saw a guy in Walmart with a younger woman. As I passed them, I noticed she had some sort of Eastern European accent. I therefore concluded that she must be in desperate need of a green card.
I figure with all the loveless marriages in the world today, I ought to be in one by now. I'm gonna get on that posthaste.
Bring back the Writer's Block questions!
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| Just slip out the back, Jack |
[15 Mar 2012|10:56pm] |
How many digits of pi have you memorized?
Not many. 3.141592 is as far as I can go. I should try to memorize more by this time next year.
What is the last great book you read?
What, exactly, is the definition of a "great book"? If you mean a book I thoroughly enjoyed, I guess it would be "A Confederacy of Dunces." I hope saying I read that doesn't make me sound pretentious.
What is your favorite Girl Scout cookie flavor?
Shortbreads aka Trefoils. Unfortunately, I haven't had any Girl Scout contacts in years. I need cookies! Not ending on a joke this time. I really need them. They beat the hell out of Boy Scout popcorn any day.
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| Stoking the star-maker machinery behind the popular song |
[08 Mar 2012|11:14pm] |
I'm going to deviate from the normal a little bit today to go on one of my passive-aggressive pseudo-rants. Here we go:
This is a paraphrased Facebook post I saw today:
"I just made my reservation at Joel Robuchon's restaurant for my upcoming trip to Paris. If you don't know who he is, you should Google him." The rest of it was mostly filler.
This is how I read posts like this:
"I'm going to Paris and you're not. I've made a reservation at a restaurant owned by a chef who is pretty well-known, but I assume my readers are troglodytes who live under rocks."
All I really want to say is: I don't live under a rock. Would it kill you to err on the side of the idea that everyone isn't an idiot? End rant.
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| Never been a sinner, I've never sinned |
[01 Mar 2012|11:06pm] |
Who or what is your fashion icon?
My what now? What makes you think I know anything about fashion? The only rule I live by is, I never wear a white shirt. There are too many colors in the world to be bogged down wearing white.
If you could ask God one question, what would it be?
If you could visit anywhere in the solar system, where would it be?
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| Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah (That's supposed to be "Telstar") |
[23 Feb 2012|11:20pm] |
If you could visit anywhere in the solar system, where would it be?
Uranus.
What is the weirdest question you’ve ever been asked?
If you could visit anywhere in the solar system, where would it be?
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| Plaster falling down in pieces by the couch of pain |
[16 Feb 2012|10:56pm] |
What is your favorite late-night snack?
Lately, it's been Lorna Doone shortbread cookies. Them things is tasty, and they're much better than the book I never read. But that's not why you called.
I have an addendum to last week's question. There are four dead people I'd like to have dinner with. Actually, I'd rather have dinner with their reanimated corpses. The four people are Mitch Hedberg, ODB, Warren Zevon, and, uh, maybe there are only three people. I'm thinking Russell and Warren and I could hit the studio for a rap remix of "Werewolves of London." It would be awesome.
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| Right round like a record baby |
[09 Feb 2012|10:58pm] |
If you could invite four people, living or dead, to a dinner party, who would they be?
Obviously I would invite the four living people. What fun would a dinner party with four dead people be? Look for my new Comedy Central special, "Steven Harper: Buy Me a Slurpee!" It debuts Saturday, March 24, 10:00/9:00 Central.
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| Presidential V-12 with that AMD kit |
[02 Feb 2012|11:03pm] |
Did the groundhog see its shadow? What do you think?
I heard that it did see its shadow. That means we have to turn our clocks back an hour, right? Thank you, I'll be here all week. Be sure to tip your wait staff. Try the potato skins, they're delicious!
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| And I won't think twice to stick that barrel straight down Sancho's throat |
[26 Jan 2012|10:51pm] |
What is your Chinese zodiac animal?
I was born in 1981, which was the year of the Cock.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
*stops to catch breath*
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
It's funny because "cock" is another word for "rooster." Also, 1981 was a year of the Metal Cock, which also describes Lars Ulrich.
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| Smile an everlasting smile, a smile can bring you near to me |
[19 Jan 2012|10:56pm] |
What is a synonym for your LiveJournal?
You mean besides, "the most awesome, groundbreaking, awe-inspiring, witty, incisive, sarcastic, mordant piece of journalistic excellence in the English language, better than everything on Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, Pinterest, and Huffington Post combined?"
I can't think of anything.
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